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Julie Richman > Intel > Family Stories, and Julie’s Point of View > On Giving Advice

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On Giving Advice

My advice about giving advice is, for the most part, don’t do it. Most people ask for advice in order to vent their own feelings and emotions about a particular subject. Often, they are not really interested in hearing advice or even your opinion about the situation. Most of the time, when I have tried to give advice in situations where I believe I know what I am talking about, the person asking for it does not listen or if caught listening, will probably disagree with whatever I have suggested and go on their own merry way.

Friends are the first line of advice givers and takers. If a friend offers unsolicited advice, that is very bad and it usually sets off an unintended consequence of a strained relationship for a short time. When advice is asked for, the advice given, could turn out to be a very bad idea. For example, a friend asks if they should get a haircut in a different style. They do this and go home and discover that everyone else in their family hates the way it looks. There is bound to be resentment, in that case, if the person getting the haircut was truly ambivalent about that action.


Child rearing advice is usually not sought, but if it is asked for and given it has to be very carefully thought out beforehand.

The most effective kind of advice is that which teaches a skill that the person asking for help does not know how to do properly. For example, I asked my brother for advice on knife sharpening. I just couldn’t seem to get the hang of it and I knew, from the sharpness of his knives, that he was very expert in that department. He gave me some very useful tips and ever since then, my knives are a bit sharper. My brain may not be, but the knives are.

Another way of giving advice is in a way so that the person who is seeking the advice thinks they came up with the solution to the problem themselves. This is the best form and it works very well in all cases.

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http://www.abstractandincolor.com | http://www.julierichman.com | http://www.siempreflamenco.com

Contributed by Julie Richman on March 8, 2008, at 9:12 PM UTC.

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Julie Richman

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